After having Era, I realized pretty quickly that when I imagined having kids, my timeline started at toddlerhood, not infancy. I love toddlers and older babies, but infants have always made me a little edgy. I love our boy beyond belief, but I am constantly counting the days til the next big milestone (2 months and 1 week until 6 months!) When my doula came for our postpardem check-up at around 3 weeks, she expressed that that was her favorite time with her babies. They laid there quietly and were all cuddles and quiet yawns, no chasing after them or talking back. I sat there and thought--you're crazy! He doesn't even smile at me! This relationship seems so one-way! (Yes, maybe I am just a little selfish and prefer to hang out all day--and night-- with someone who responds to me!)
As you can imagine, it is getting better with time. I love his smiles and tiny laughs, and I really enjoy that they are in response to games we play. He is "talking" more now, which is a blast, and he holds his own personal dance parties when he is stripped down to his diaper. It is adorable.
But I have been coming back to my steep learning curve of having an infant lately, as Era is going through his 4- month sleep regression (for our overachiever, it started at 3 months). They talk about this period as a wonder week, a growth spurt, a change in baby's sleep structure. Whatever it is, our boy is only sleeping 1 or 2 hours at a time at night, is a super grumpy pants during the day, and desires my constant, undivided attention all.the.time. (Note, at around 2 months he was sleeping 5 hours at night and would play happily on his play gym by himself for an hour at a time). We have about another week to go to see if this is just a phase or if this is the new normal. As you can imagine, if this is the new normal we have some major sleep training ahead of us, as waking every hour is not sustainable for anyone. I have been trying to decide if the first 3 weeks were the hardest thus far or if this period has been the hardest. I am beginning to feel like I did when we were just home from the hospital: completely and utterly exhausted and worn thin.
Luckily, I have the best mother in the world, who is willing to fly out to frozen Ohio is stay with me and Era for an indeterminate amount of time, as we get through this phase. I am still getting up at night, but it is so reassuring to know that I will have help during the day and can squeeze in a nap.
I will close with a picture of our handsome little boy. From the light in his eyes, you would never guess sleep was a problem. :)
